44 Suspicious Uses of Quotation Marks

These are too good.  I’m a proponent of using quotation marks, especially in a mocking tone.  Very few of my days pass when I don’t use a sarcastic two finger quote around something that I say.  However, these serious and ordinary signs just got super awesome when these people used the quotation marks incorrectly.  Simple and innocent sentences suddenly become precarious and suspicious.  Enjoy!

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Definitely not a drug front.

Definitely not a drug front.

Yeah, I'm glad that our safety is in the hands of the "very best." Thanks for sparing no expense, Government.

Yeah, I’m glad that our safety is in the hands of the “very best.” Thanks for sparing no expense, Government.

If only everyone was this honest.

If only everyone was this honest.

I'm suddenly a vegetarian.

I’m suddenly a vegetarian.

This is how people die.

This is how people die.

Pay only with your eternal soul.

Pay only with your eternal soul.

Wink, wink...

Wink, wink…

Or dog... or cat... it's meat, okay?

Or dog… or cat… it’s meat, okay?

We will settle this on Jerry Springer once and for all, but let's celebrate for now.

We will settle this on Jerry Springer once and for all, but let’s celebrate for now.

We'll be serving "kool-aid" and sacrificing a "goat."

We’ll be serving “kool-aid” and sacrificing a “goat.”

He's not the one that injects cement into your breasts. Totally not that one.

He’s not the one that injects cement into your breasts. Totally not that one.

...breathing on the back of your neck.

…breathing on the back of your neck.

Bahahahaha! What do I say to this?

Bahahahaha! What do I say to this?

...or a giant pit. Good luck!

…or a giant pit. Good luck!

Good luck trying to win a shootout against the toughest zombie cop.

Good luck trying to win a shootout against the toughest zombie cop.

The truth about customer service.

The truth about customer service.

Isn't this what we were all thinking.

Isn’t this what we were all thinking.

Gender is so fluid nowadays.

Gender is so fluid nowadays.

And don't worry, we have already "washed" them.

And don’t worry, we have already “washed” them.

How to emasculate your employees with just a couple of marks.

How to emasculate your employees with just a couple of marks.

The only real reason that this pole isn't rolling its eyes is because it doesn't have any.

The only real reason that this pole isn’t rolling its eyes is because it doesn’t have any.

Someone just earned their Blatant Misuse of Quotation Marks Badge.

Someone just earned their Blatant Misuse of Quotation Marks Badge.

...but isn't ready for a steady relationship right now.

…but isn’t ready for a steady relationship right now.

That awkward moment when someone squats too closely to you at the manure pile.

That awkward moment when someone squats too closely to you at the manure pile.

Hopefully more "integrity? than the structure itself.

Hopefully more “integrity? than the structure itself.

Zing!

Zing!

Something seems a bit fishy here...

Something seems a bit fishy here…

Whatever this is, I don't want it anywhere near my hands!

Whatever this is, I don’t want it anywhere near my hands!

Turns the faucet on, let's it run for ten seconds, then turns it off. You know who you are.

Turns the faucet on, let’s it run for ten seconds, then turns it off. You know who you are.

Don't tell the horses that this is actually a vinyl fence.

Don’t tell the horses that this is actually a vinyl fence.

That fire alarm is making noise and blinking, but something tells me it's not actually a fire alarm.

That fire alarm is making noise and blinking, but something tells me it’s not actually a fire alarm.

The double negative makes this one especially tricky. What am I supposed to do?!

The double negative makes this one especially tricky. What am I supposed to do?!

They won't judge you if you're actually just fat.

They won’t judge you if you’re actually just fat.

Actually this one is pretty on point.

Actually this one is pretty on point.

I like your forwardness, but maybe you can buy me a drink first...

I like your forwardness, but maybe you can buy me a drink first…

After one day, the National Bread Regulation Committee requires that quotations be added.

After one day, the National Bread Regulation Committee requires that quotations be added.

Technically it's upstairs if there is a basement right?

Technically it’s upstairs if there is a basement right?

I use a "carpet store" to clean this dirty money. What do you use?

I use a “carpet store” to clean this dirty money. What do you use?

I Habla Englishio. That sounds like "English" to me.

I Habla Englishio. That sounds like “English” to me.

Well... I mean... I guess you're right.

Well… I mean… I guess you’re right.

Are you surprised that these are on a white van?

Are you surprised that these are on a white van?

How do you define "fresh?" I say anything inside a week and doesn't have mold.

How do you define “fresh?” I say anything inside a week and doesn’t have mold.

Totally "not death" is awaiting over there.

Totally “not death” is awaiting over there.

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