I don’t know about you guys, but I am tired of going home and hearing the same question from every person I talk to. “When are you getting married?” Well I am not the only one who hates that question. Although we hate it for different reasons I loved reading Krystal Baugher’s post about why she does not plan on getting married. She has been with her partner for almost five years, loves him, and is still not married. Here are Krystal Baugher’s 5 reasons that she is not getting married:
1) The Pains of Patriarchy
I hate that your dad “gives you away.” Like the woman is a piece of property that a man owns. This starts the marriage off unbalanced. I also hate when they say “man and wife,” because it labels the woman to one specific role. I don’t find it necessary to participate or support this type of institution. And though many married people have chosen alternatives to these traditions and rituals, when one says they are “married” it carries the weight of patriarchy whether the couple wants it to or not—as well as the weight of sexual acceptability.
2) I must find my prince and ride off into the sunset?
The idea of finding our “one true love” is embedded in us all from a very early age. Watch any Disney movie, see the princess being saved by the prince, followed by the “happily ever after” marriage. (Because in fairy tale land, life ends after the “I do’s”.) There is absolutely nothing wrong with woman/man love, of course, what is wrong is making it out to be the only thing that’s right. I’m looked down upon because I just want to enjoy life to the fullest instead of fulfilling my duty to be “princess” for a day (and wife for my life). Marriage is the pinnacle of heteronormativity, and I don’t feel comfortable supporting it. Though I am currently with a “man,” not getting married is one way we keep our relationship “queered.”
3) Monogamy, Monotony
I don’t believe that everyone is monogamous, or that everyone should be. I think the world would be a much more beautiful place if we were all more accepting and open to other ways of love. 50% of marriages end in divorce, and the percentage gets even bigger by the second marriage. People get married because they’re told over and over again that this is the way it’s done, and yet over and over again it isn’t being done right (and obviously not for the right reasons). Marriage is not for everyone and it’s about time we all accept it, and accept the people who don’t want to do it—even and especially if we happen to be one of those people.
4) Benefits for Whom?
Too many people I know have gotten married for the benefits. And I’m not talking about the benefits of a long loving relationship; I’m talking about literal benefits, such as health care. The health care system in America requires you to maintain a heteronormative lifestyle in order to utilize it fully. It is disturbing is the fact that the state is legitimizing people who are married over everyone else. Because married couples get better benefits, marriage itself becomes justifiable. Why do people who supposedly find their “one and only,” get that over people who may not, or can’t, or don’t want to?
5) *F* the Children
Politicians have been using “in the name of the children” for decades now. “What about the children?” “The future is our children.” Blah blah. When they use “children” in these statements they are not talking about living breathing walking (crawling) children, they’re discussing them figuratively. They’re discussing them so as to pull citizens’ heartstrings and get them to vote a particular way. But can the idea of “the children” ever really end? Isn’t it absurd to use “the children” as a scapegoat for influencing moral authority? True living breathing walking (crawling) children deserve to understand that love doesn’t have to be the same for everyone and it’s okay to follow your heart, to explore, to enjoy life and all the strange beautiful people in it.
Read more here.